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« Pick my Brain 12/09/09--Salvador Del Mundo | Main | Tiger Woods and the Role of Fathers »

December 10, 2009


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Dave Caswell

You make some great points. It really is too bad that asking for money changes the relationship that exists between people. My guess is that to some extent people feel obligated to give it when it is asked for. So how dare this person put me in the position of discomfort. It is easier to give to a charity where they dont know where it came from or how much any one individual gave.

I wonder if it were made known that a friend was having a hard time and there was a place where one could donate without being told who it was from or how much it was if that would not be a more effective way to help the individual. Just a thought.


There are people in the world who, given the opportunity, will drain you of all your money, health and emotional strength. Perhaps your friend had recently run into one of those and was reacting to you out of that experience rather than responding to you as you truly are.

For most of us, money equals security; the ability to feed, clothe and house our families. If we feel that's even a little threatened (somewhere around the $20-$50 range as you said), we back off cautiously from the request. Maybe it's a self-preservation instinct. That doesn't make it right to feel that way towards the person in need, but I think it's human nature to do so.

While money can bring out the worst in people. It can also bring out the best.

When my husband was out of work for several months, my mother (a generous, giving, and patient soul who is not wealthy) paid our mortgage for the two months we couldn't afford it, with no thought to our ever repaying her. Where does this type of human nature stem from, the kind that gives without reservation?

Emily Seegmiller

I like this. And to me, this is great blogging- I am getting insight into your thoughts. Thanks for sharing.


Thanks for the comments. I had hoped to engender a little debate on the topic, but either everyone agrees with me...or not too many people read this :).

Heather O.

You answered your own question early in your post:

If one friend is constantly mooching off of everyone else, then patience for that type of behavior goes away)

Seems you already understand the essence of the dynamic you are describing.

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